Hardcore, Uncut

Put your slick willies away, I’m talking PULP, as in music, not flesh. One of my top 10 deserted island albums. The lyrics are as sinister as the ominous bass line. And Cocker’s devilry, er, delivery, is deliciously decadent and nihilistic – like the best sex, drugs and rock n’ roll. “Yeah”…

It’s what men in stained raincoats pay for/but in here it is pure./Yeah.

Miami o Mi Mami?

What kind of evil, ungrateful child would actually be torn between going to Miami for WMC, or going to L.A. and seeing his mother off to her retirement in Cancun? What heartless,narcissistic, myopic, lowlife would see the timing as yet another conspiracy against him? What kind of bleeding-heart smothering mother would torture said twisted child by insisting there’s no need to fly home because she’ll be back a couple of months anyway? And perhaps most importantly, how is this disco demon supposed to work it on the dance-floor and work on his tan while lying on South Beach hungover, looking up at every plane streaking across the sky and wondering – is that it? Is that the one that’s flying mi mami home?

Lite as a Rock

Ya know you’re pushin 40 when… you find yourself on Foxytunes digging up 70’s lite rock. You try growing up on A.M. radio in California and see how you turn out. And remember:
I’m not in love, so don’t forget it
It’s just a silly phase I’m going through

Disco in Space

Preparing to interview Kelley Polar for Earplug tomorrow, we got distracted by old Rinder & Lewis videos. Polar is perhaps best known for providing the strings on Metro Area’s breakout debut LP. He’s also known for being kicked out of Julliard for dropping his disco stylings on the unsuspecting staff, playing with a toy turntable as a kid, touring in war-torn corners of the globe and hiding out in a New Hampshire shack with no internet access. His first CD, 2005’s Love Songs of the Hanging Garden had indie dance lovers and critics, yours truly included, gushing over the smart/sexy, high/low mix of sentiment and electronics.
Earlier, in the 70’s, Rinder and Lewis laid down similarly spacious, luxe tracks that took Tom Moulton’s Salsoul Philly drama down a notch, to a level described by R&L as R&B embellished with sh-sh-sh hi-hats. The duo also wrote scores to over 500 TV shows, including “In Search Of” and “That’s Incredible”.
It’s a loose association, but when such a fuss is made over disco’s disposable nature, it’s good to see that 30 years on, not only is “disco” not going away, it’s going strong, its ambitious reach anchored in deep, fertile roots.

Cats and Dogs

Haute Dogs
A couple of canine-themed blurbs.
One, or “Uno”, the 2 year-old Beagle took Best in Show at Madison Square Garden, the first Beagle to ever win Westminster’s BiS in its 132-year history. I don’t even like dogs. But I like competitions. And I like cute things. And so did most of the screaming fans rooting for Uno, the wonder beagle. From the second the puppy strutted on to the arena, we all knew it was game over. The rest of the show was just a formality. (Somebody, please explain the Poodle thing to me!) When asked how he would decide which SoB to pick, the sequestered Best in Show judge said, the top dog “would just make himself known.” And so he did. “It was the right choice. He’s a beautiful dog — just flawless,” said Jones after awarding Uno his 33rd best-in-show title. “Everything he does is correct. And just look at his face.”

Second, El Perro Del Mar, aka Sarah Assbring the Swedish lo-fi songbird named after a wet dog, drops a second CD of dreamy, melancholy pop. Like Kate “Hounds of Love” Bush, Sarah is prone to baying at the moon in a girly, witchy heartbreaking voice. “From the Valley to the Stars” will be released this spring, but methinks it will comfort and enchant for several seasons to come.

LOLCat: U Will Marry Meme?
Now that the dogs have had their day, we return to our pussy-loving ways. A man proposed using LOLCats. BTW, Loretta said Yes. File under: I Can Has Romance?

Larry Heard Top 10

The groovy folks at Resident Advisor asked me to help out on a “”Top 10″ sidebar for a Larry Heard interview. Bluffer, moi?

A bluffer’s guide to Larry Heard
by Jorge Hernandez
1. Fingers Inc. – Can You Feel It? (Instrumental) [Jack Trax, 1988]
The classic Heard track. Robert Owens’ vocal version, Chuck Roberts ‘Jack’ version, and the MLK version are not to be passed up either, but you can’t beat the instrumental for pure, weightless groove.
2. Larry Heard presents Mr. White – The Sun Can’t Compare [Alleviated, 2006]
A stunning return to clubland for LH, featuring a very pure, soulful vocal from Mr. White. Acid never tasted so sweet.
3. Fingers Inc. – Never No More Lonely [Jack Trax, 1989]
Props to Prosumer for reminding me of this 1989 android serenade, wherein Larry pushes his lo-fi gear, drum machines and Rob Owen’s lovelorn vocals to fresh, romantic heights.
4. Mr. Fingers – Amnesia [Jack Trax, 1988]
The title track from the unauthorized Jack Trax comp is six minutes of proto-acid from 1984 that still sounds fresh in 2008.
5. Larry Heard – Love’s Arrival (dub) [Alleviated, 2001]
This is the title track from Heard’s overlooked 2001 album—ambient, jazzy tropicalia on which he gently tickles the keys over an expansive, slow Balearic beat.
6. The It – Donnie (Ron Hardy mix) [D.J. International, 1983]
In the heart of every classic deep house jam beats a wee purple paisley heart. Here a dissonant male falsetto gets slapped around by a clap machine and pummeled by drum rolls.
7. Club Ice – Manhassett (Space Remix) [Black Market International, 1992]
This is a Larry remix with a buttery baritone hook enticing “Oh baby/don’t you wanna go” over a snappy rubbery groove. Irresistible.
8. Larry Heard – Déjà Vu [Alleviated, 2001]
Another guilty pleasure from Love’s Arrival—this time a sassy gypsy aria awash in silky male vocals, touched with bells and rattles.
9. Mr. Fingers – The Juice [Jack Trax, 1988]
Bonkers stop/start house track made in 1984 before Larry even owned a 303. Investigate for a taste of Heard’s 70’s prog roots.
10. Robert Owens – Bring Down The Walls [Trax, 1986]
Before he was everybody’s “friend”, Robert Owens was stripping the breaks clean with Mr. Fingers. This track is single-minded, strutting, tribal, acid house.

Instantly Loved: Faunts

You love rock and electronica and you’re horny and drunk and almost out of drugs. Quick, what do you pop in the stereo while you get laid as the sun comes up and the buzz wears off? You could reach for Radiohead, or M83; if you’re older Catherine Wheel, or Kitchens of Distinction; older still, perhaps Pink Floyd. Or, you could easily reach for M4, the 40 minute EP from Faunts. The 4 young Canadian bucks must be fans of early 90’s producer Tim Friese-Greene (Catherine Wheel, Talk Talk). Their “nu-gaze” style is a mesmerizing sound-scape of swirling, expansive melodies, crashing cymbals, low-slung, grinding guitars, psychedelic feedback, plaintive male vocals, moody, quirky blips and even a spooky li’l theremin. M4 may be an EP sandwiched between an impressive debut, High Expectations/Low Results, and an anticipated upcoming remix collection, but it’s no filler or castoff. Originally composed as live accompaniment to 3 short films, Faunts’ M4 is a thoroughly fulfilling indie winter romance all its own.

Listen to M4 (Part ii) here.

Social Media Cares

As Yahoo, Sprint, EMI, and a slew of other media giants collapse under the “un-recession”, users beginning to burn out on social media, and mysterious monsters chopping on cables buried deep in the Indian Ocean’s muck, let’s not dismiss entirely the utopian hopes we had for the World Wide Mess as far back as Y2K, during the 1.0 heyday. The 2.0 bubble may be on the brink of bursting but for now, as it floats through the cyber-sphere, still relatively impervious to the real-time woes of the brick and mortar world, here are some nifty little blips on the radar highlighting the internet’s nobler intentions. (Though, we’ve all heard where that path leads.)
Youtube -Will-i-am’s viral Pro-Obama video, borrowing on the Latino slogan “Yes We Can” has enough celebrities in it to give “We are the World” a run for its money. Hell, his catch-phrase, “We are the Ones We’ve Been Waiting For” bears an uncanny resemblance to that 20th century chorus. Let’s just hope the stockpiles of dreams gather less dust than those bags of misplaced grains.
Twitter – Elections: A mashup of Twitter and Google Maps featuring Twitter Pop Ups of netizens’ play-by-play accounts of the elections. Say what you will about Billary and Obama Wan Kinobi, the Bama-rama’s got the Twitter factor in his favor, and one should be careful not to underestimate the 2.0 generation’s impulsiveness and willingness to rush in where their 1.0 elders fear to tread. As I recall, America’s last Camelot did not end so hot, but as Reverend Jackson said, one must “Keep hope alive..”
Facebook – Smile for Cancer: If you can raise money for a cancer ward clear across the planet by simply uploading a jpg of your muggin’ pearly whites, and embedding it on your Facebook page, why not click your way to a clear conscience?
Godtube – Jesus 2.0: “Broadcast HIM” The internet, it seems, does have a soul. The thought of giving “Christi-uns” another tool to spread their haterade does not seem like something worth celebrating in these pagan “pages”. That is, until, like me, you scroll down past the pitch to the internet’s redeeming feature: the comments.
Buried there, deep beyond the “Godtube” sermon, proof of the web’s capacity to disarm – a paragraph-long diatribe that answers the eternal question: “What Would Jesus Smoke“? Apparently, cannabis.
The leafy treat poised for vending machine deployment across California was seemingly a biblical staple. Behold Isaiah 43:24: “I have not burdened you with grain offerings, nor wearied you with demands for incense. You have not bought any cannabis for me, or lavished me on the fat of your sacrifices.” (M’kay?) God and Martha Stewart would agree: this [shit] is good.
So, pipelines and satellites may snap and fall, fickle tweens may age and bore, and all the world be drowned in a mighty tide of melting ice caps, but chances are the internet will outlive all. And someday, when the mothership returns and Jesus clicks YES on our ultimate Friend-request, we can take some comfort knowing that we will be judged not solely by our cache-loads of Hot-or-Not porn.

AARP Diem

The other day as I was thinking, “for every gray hair, another pound,” I was interrupted by T, who like Seinfeld’s Kramer, came crashing through my door from across the hall (as he often does) with a big hello and a stack of mail. Among the junk he plopped on my Ikea coffee table was a “magazine” called Phases, or Stages, or some other such thing that I pushed deep into my subconscious as soon as I read the sub-head: AARP. It featured a late-30-something daddy type hoisting a wee tot above his shoulders; both of their faces were smeared with ear-to-ear grins, as if the trees in the backdrop were actually growing “benjamins.”
When did I qualify to start receiving information about retirement? And why isn’t there a Gay-A-R-P featuring a hot multicultural couple on the cover? Is it because with all our expendable, childless income we’re supposedly immune? Some of us have medical expenses that require budgeting and planning; we can’t just run to the Bahamas every time we sprout another lesion, after all.
It’s one thing to be thinking about retirement on your own, as a single sexless sissy in the city, in the privacy and comfort of your own gently-padded denial, but to have a glossy, color leaflet thrust the reminder in your unsuspecting face, well that’s enough to trigger a seizure of a wholly unfavorable kind.

"Flossy, glossy fabulousness…"

Thank You, Simon Doonan. It’s Fashion Week in NYC again, and that means the TiVo is tuned to Full Frontal Fashion and that kooky bunch of commentators on the Metro Channel. “We’re” feeling lazy, and a bit battered by – all together – another Manic Monday, so “we’re” leaving it up to NY Mag and the NY Times to break it down. We’ll resume our usual personal drama blah blah soon. Meanwhile, some eye candy…and, oh yeah, Page Six is abuzz about Marc Jacobs cheating on his escort BF with – a porn star… *eek*